What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
