I think my fart just growled at me.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Send help, water and tortillas.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
