Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
