I met the friendliest cop last night
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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