There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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