Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
