i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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