'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
