I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
