dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
