I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
