i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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