did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
