atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Someone signed my nipple.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
