You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
