i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
