Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
