So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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