how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Fuck appropriateness.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize