Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
