my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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