I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize