Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
