the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
