He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
pray to the hookup gods
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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