my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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