I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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