My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize