so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
