I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
