I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
