I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
