he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
