According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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