My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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