You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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