Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
there's paper in my vomit.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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