your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
