On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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