I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
