Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
