You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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