oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
