i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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