does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
