respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
