Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
