seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
