a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
