Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
