it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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