we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
