I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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