I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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