A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
