i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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