dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
