I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
