I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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