Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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