it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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