Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
