I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
