I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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