i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
