he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
