Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
