This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
