I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she pinky promised me she was 18
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
