i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He's a Shit stain on my heart
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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