I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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