Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize