I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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