I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
