remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I have post one night stand depression
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