Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
