So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
