my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
