i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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