I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
